Stuck In Between.

Has it ever occurred to you how many times in a day do we find ourselves standing at a junction between two choices? And we have to make that decision which only He knows what the outcomes are. No, I'm not talking about huge life decisions like choosing a course, a career or things like that. I meant small little choices, involving how we react to a news, what we say to others, what do we wear, what do we assume.

I always find myself in these kind of situations. I'm sure everyone goes through the same thing, but i bet no one makes a huge deal out of it like I always do. Some might underrate these kinda things, while others may look at it briefly without a second glance.

It covers from the pettiest little-lest things in our daily lives, like;
To read, or to tumblr.
To wake up to the alarm, or lie in bed for another hour, perhaps two.
To ignore the dusty shelf, or take a cloth and wipe it clean.
To have a sandwich, or cereals for breakfast.
To say hello to your neighbor, or pretend you dont see them.

And also stuffs that are a bit more serious, like;
To lie, or tell the truth.
To be in rage, or to stay calm.
To fake a smile, or show that disappointment on your face.
To reply a text, or ignore it.
To dwell on something, or ignore and distract yourself with something else.

So in the end, you are always left with two choices. Maybe more, but then you end up realizing that you alone can make that decision. What you say, how you react, will it have a domino effect on the people around you?

I honestly hate it when I'm at this particular junction. Sounds a bit dramatic when I put it that way, but remember that poem The Road Not Taken we learnt during high school? Well yeah, a lot of my friends tend to make it as a joke most of the time. I beg to differ tho. I dont know, it brings a lot more meaning to me I guess.

Yes, so happens that what I'd gone through today and a few days back had triggered me to type this post. Certainly got me thinking, a lot actually. But then again, that's just how I am.

So friends out there, a piece of advice.
Always choose wisely, always try to decide rightly.

Till then,
syfmyra.

End of Junior Year

Hey there peeps,

2 months break has finally begun for meee! Thus marks the end of my junior year of A-Levels. Notice how this blog has been pretty dusty for the past 5 months? Yeah, semester 2 wasnt a piece of cake, an exhausting one and a pretty tough nut to crack as well.

Studywise, I think I did pretty well for most of the topic tests, Alhamdulillah. Maybe because I have this particular thing going on that I knew would cost me my grades if i get side-tracked. That drove me to work even harder during all those tests, thus the outcomes. 

But ironically I think I messed up my finals, in a way. I guess I was slightly lead away towards the end, but then again only time would tell; only the first week of 3rd semester would reveal whether i'd messed up for real or not.

Socializing Mixing around was nearly as hard as making new friends when you're in kindergarten. No, scratch that, it was even harder to do that during semester 2. You could just walk up to some random kid and say you would like to be their friends when you're at kindergarten. And just like *poof* you're eating together during recess, giggling perhaps like you've been friends forever. I know, pretty hard to believe huh? Well how should i paint it to you. 

It's like when I'm back home, with my friends; let say in terms of how you dress, how you socialize, it all seems completely normal; nothing out of the ordinary to you. In fact, there were times where you'd feel that you've dressed  most pleasingly and you acquire such swell demeanor, compared to some other people around you. (i said somee, not all!) But well when you're in college, MY college particularly, dressing pleasantly and having swell demeanor arent enough.

When you're in my college, apparently wearing long sleeved shirts is not enough, you have to wear handsocks with your shirt.

When you're in my college, wearing sandals is not enough, you should wear socks with em as well.

When you're in my college, wearing shawls is apparently not enough, you'd be advised and encouraged relentlessly to wear those L-sized scarfs, the larger the better.

Now dont get me wrong, please. I know those are how Muslims should cover up their aurat. I'm not belittling them, gosh no, I'm far from doing that. But sadly thats not it that I'm frustrated at, sadly people got judged by how they dress, how they get along with other people. 

But hey its not like you would get banned or anything like that, it's just that it kinda sucks when there'll be a large portion of people being skeptical towards you and stereotyping you. For me particularly, there'll also be people trying to bash you out when you've done the slightest mistake or asked the wrong question in class. 

You know when they say when life throws you lemons, you make lemonade out of it? Yeah I think I'm getting to there. Haha, getting to that lemonade.

Regadless, I still had an interesting semester;

Made new friends
Lost a couple of friends
Learnt a lot of new stuffs
Handled a number of programmes
Witness how people change through time
Master the art of balancing your life (well almost, haha)

Just to name a few. So yeah, I guess I should end this. Wont be something interesting to read if it's super long, yes?

To top it off, I'm thankful enough for everything. Regardless of how many lemons, oranges, melons life has threw at me, haha whatever that means. Which means that He's always there, looking after me.

My surprise birthday cake from the classmates !

And I'm thankful enough that I have someone to talk to by the end of the day, and of course, friends who would crack silly jokes and make noise in the library just to keep my chin up.

See yah later alligator!

Till then,

syfmyra.

Ten lines.

Stop trying to change me.
Stop the judging.
Let me change to be a better person because of me, not because of other people.
I have a lot of unsaid words, words which I fear would hurt a lot of people when I say it out loud.
Setting my priorities right. I was clasping tight to it when I began the semester, thus I refuse to end the semester without it.
I dont mind being ditched, immuned to it already.
I want you to stay, wishing you would stay. But I'm afraid of what the future might set for me, for us.
Finals ahead, must perform and make mom and dad proud.
Must try to accept how people are, and have a lot patience with their sometimes-unacceptable behaviors.



Just on top of my mind, just to update this long-forgotten blog.

Till then,
syfmyra.

The E word.

There'll always be a reason for everything that I do. And there are two reasons why I am posting this blog ;

1. I have a problem with this little thing called Expectations.
2. I have an IELTS writing test trials this Friday. (thus, I'll consider this as a practice, since I'm that lazy to answer a proper writing-practice-test question)

Though, reason number two is just like the benchwarmers of a basketball game. Just like the preface of a book that no one really cares to read. Or just like the credentials at the end of every movie that is just there as a mere requirement. All do not bring much importance to the game, book nor movie. Same goes to reason number two to this very post.

Now, here comes reason number one. Mind me for I've ranted about Expectations and Disappointments a tad too much in twitter, that I assume my followers would just scoff at them each time they would see my rants in their timelines. But like I said earlier, I have issues with Expectations, because Expectation kills. Not you, maybe, but me? Yes, BIGTIME.

People expect the best out of me. I would end up being a letdown to them. Then I would expect greatness out of people around me. And most of the time I would be smothered by sheer disappointments. Funny how it works like a cycle but unlike any other cycles, no one knows where it begins, where it ends nor how to put an end to it.

So I've been told countless of times that we should never live up to Expectations. Or we should never put up high Expectations cause it'll only lead us to disappointments. But really, things are much easier to be said rather than to be done, no?

And if I were to say that the most colossal disappointments would usually come from the  people closest to our hearts, would You agree? Might be a Yes for some people, or a big fat No for some other. Lucky you tho, if it's a No for you. Really, I envy you a lot.

So by the end of the day, it all ends up with this saying where 'there will always be ups and downs in our lives. After all, it wouldnt always be a smooth sail now would it?'. 

And apparently Expectations and Disappointments are inseparable most of the times. I find myself trying super hard to kick away all these darn Expectations each day. Even though I fail miserably most of the time. Sometimes it feels like sticking Post It notes with a 'Please dont expect too much' reminder everywhere, so that I'll always be reminded not to do such thing. Expecting too much that is. Guess that'll never happen in real life huh.

Anyways, for my juniors out there. You guys must be freaking out with the results thats coming out very soon. Boggles your mind ey? Seems like it's just moments away from knowing where your future might end up. I've been there and yeah it aint really a fun position to be in. Just take a deep breath and pray to Him a lot okay? However the results might turn out, it's already written and He definitely knows whats best for you :) 

I guess the lesser the expectations, the better. You might never know, life might catch you by surprise!

till then,
syfmyra.

Quiescent Mind.

One single line. One single quote. That's all it takes to make me type this post. "Dont think too much. And you'll be able to do it correctly." Well, that wasnt a quote coming from Oprah Winfrey nor Rachel Ray for that matter, but it came from my English lecturer during my thursday English class. And she wasnt talking about life, nor talking about our teen-problems. She was actually referring to our Task 1 Essay for our IELTS paper.

Haha, yeah well I know that particular quote doesnt really have got to do with anything I'm about to say or post, but well you know me. I have this problem, and this problem pretty much contradicts totally with what she had asked me and 22 others to do in our essay. I think too much.

If our minds were to work like a telly, with channels showing movies, tv shows and tv programs according to their own genres, wouldnt it be nice if we could just switch on and off these channels as we please? hah yeah, apparently this is just waay too far within our reach. And obviously we, as loyal servants have no such power to do so.

Whyyy do I always make my post sound so emo-ey. Haha idk, perhaps its because of these confined thoughts in my mind which I have no idea where to place them. Prove that I think too much? Here's one.

Sometimes I think too far beyond into the future. Up to an extent where the future scares the crap out of me. And up to the point where I would find myself wishing that time would just stop so that I just settle down with how things are right now. Impossible as it is, I like how things are right now. And I wish to not move anywhere from here. 

But then came another thought where I would find thinking far beyond into the future would actually do me some good. It prevents me from doing something dumb, something I would regret later. So which is which? There'll always be two sides of a thought, and well, as you might have guessed, I'd end up indulging in both sides of the thoughts. Funny how our mind works sometimes. 

Well, that's just one mere example of what's going on in my mind right now. That's not even a partial of the whole picture. How I wish I could just stop thinking excessively and let everything be for once. Without any fear, without any doubts, and without any worries of what the consequences might be. But that'll just lead me into pure disaster, wouldnt it?

Apparently all these thoughts, they're holding back these feelings all these while. And well yeah, apparently a quiescent mind is what I need right now.


Till then,
syfmyra.